Giving feedback is one of the things I get asked most about.
There is no doubt that it is not an easy task.
Feedback can also be problematic for those receiving it. For example, have you ever received feedback that left you puzzled or unsure of its true intent?
Perhaps you were told, “Fantastic job! Just keep me copied on emails and invite me to meetings. But you don’t need me – just keep doing what you’re doing.”
The person who got this feedback was me. And it showed me that the feedback sandwich method, with its positive-negative-positive structure, can lead to vagueness and confusion.
Why does this happen, and how can we give feedback that truly supports growth? How can we shift the paradigm from self-serving feedback practices to those centred on the recipient’s growth and development?
While feedback frameworks are useful for ensuring structure and consistency, we need to go beyond their blind application. Emotional intelligence and clear communication are keys to providing effective and constructive feedback.
In this article, I will discuss five overarching traits that I consider non-negotiable when communicating feedback and explore how they foster meaningful conversations that have an impact.
How to Provide Feedback: 5 Non-Negotiables
1. Be Comfortable with Discomfort
Most of us desire harmony. We were taught not to hurt others’ feelings, so we fear offending others. That’s understandable, but here’s the thing. Withholding our honest appraisal when we give feedback has two undesirable results. First, you deny the recipient the chance to learn, grow, and improve as an individual and professional. And second, you risk creating a typical situation where both the giver and receiver grow frustrated because nothing changes. This negatively impacts team goals, engagement, and culture.
Candour plays a crucial role in effective communication that fosters growth. Candour must, however, be approached with caution, taking into account its potential impact on the recipient.
Feedback inherently involves evaluation, and emotions can be fragile. Therefore, it becomes imperative to convey feedback constructively and politely, regardless of its positive or negative nature.
Authentic candour is not about being brutal or resorting to personal attacks. It’s about expressing genuine intentions for improvement. By highlighting our good intentions and providing concrete examples, we can ensure that our feedback is both honest and helpful, empowering the receiver to comprehend the areas where they can achieve growth and improvement.
In this way, candour becomes a tool for fostering development and creating an environment conducive to continuous learning.
Let’s look at an example of how to give feedback with candour:
Research shows that this 2-part statement can motivate improvement as it empowers in all the right ways – even when there’s negative feedback involved. The basic formula for this statement pairs two important messages: “I expect a lot, and I am with you.”
2. Listen to Inspire Change
The power of listening can never be underestimated. When we approach someone with criticism or suggestions for improvement, their first instinct will likely be to become defensive, ready to fight or flee. After all, who likes being told they’re doing something wrong or that there’s a better way to do it?
However, by practising active listening and thoughtful questioning, we can increase the likelihood that the employee will arrive at their own conclusions, which makes them more inclined to consider or enact necessary change.
Active listening goes beyond hearing what is being said. It is truly understanding the underlying and often unstated message. As we listen attentively and ask relevant questions, we encourage the receiver to self-reflect on their actions and thinking processes. This approach helps them internalise feedback and can lead to a more open-minded and receptive attitude toward personal and professional change.
Pauses and silence also play a pivotal role in feedback, especially when the subject is sensitive or uncomfortable. Moments of silence create space for you to give feedback and for the receiver to better process and respond to the information they’re getting. These quiet interludes promote reflection and ensure the conversation isn’t dominated solely by reactive feelings and opinions.
3. Show Empathy
Providing a supportive space for the receiver to express their thoughts and feelings is crucial when giving feedback. By actively listening and allowing them to share their side of the story, we practise empathy and demonstrate a willingness to understand another’s perspective.
It’s essential to recognise that it is a significant step for someone whenever they open up and express vulnerability. This step is quite tricky. Verbally acknowledging this difficulty can foster trust and create an environment where individuals feel valued and heard.
When a manager gives feedback, they must refrain from blaming or making excuses. Instead, the focus should be on understanding circumstances that may be previously unknown. Doing so gives them insight into factors that may have influenced the receiver’s actions or decisions.
It’s also essential to consider why the receiver may not have disclosed certain circumstances. Reflecting on their silence can shed light on many things, including perceived psychological safety within the team or environment.
Psychological safety is vital for employees to feel comfortable sharing their honest thoughts, concerns, or challenges without fear of judgement or negative repercussions. By acknowledging the possibility of limited psychological safety, you can strive to create an environment where compassionate and constructive feedback is practised and valued.
4. Acknowledge strengths
It is crucial not to underplay or ignore an employee’s strengths when giving feedback. Too often, the emphasis is solely on areas that require improvement, leaving employees feeling demoralised or undervalued.
A strengths-based approach recognises and celebrates an employee’s unique strengths. By acknowledging their talents, skills, and accomplishments, we boost their confidence and motivation and create a more positive and supportive work environment. For instance, we can provide specific examples of when a particular strength contributed to the success of a project or positively impacted the team. By focusing on and highlighting these instances, we validate an employee’s abilities and inspire continued growth and excellence.
5. Create a Clear Structure to Motivate Follow-up
Creating a clear structure that motivates employees to address feedback is essential for fostering growth. While having a development plan in place is a good start, more is needed.
To truly support someone’s growth, it’s crucial to establish clear accountability measures, provide necessary resources, and offer opportunities for skill enhancement. By building a partnership based on mutual support and demonstrating a genuine desire to help, we show individuals that they’re not alone in their efforts. We go from telling them we’re with them to supporting them with decisive action.
Emphasising the benefits of growth and success for the team and organisation creates a win-win situation where everyone can gain. This collaborative approach motivates employees to actively engage with feedback and take the necessary steps toward their development.
Final Thoughts
Giving feedback is an art – and a skill.
Tell your people that you have high expectations and that you’re with them. You can then implement these two promises to facilitate their growth and performance. After all, this is the purpose of feedback.
Begin implementing my five non-negotiables for honest feedback by asking yourself which ones you may fall short in. Then, commit to learning and practising one of them and continue your leadership growth journey.
Our mission at Change Aligned, as strategy consultants in London, is to support leaders and teams in creating the conditions for their personal and professional growth. Discover how we can help.
About the author
Olga Valadon is the Founder and Director of Change Aligned. She is a strategist, leadership mentor and corporate empathy expert with three decades of experience in global corporates. Her company specialises in culture design and leadership development. Olga is on the board of the University of Cambridge Primary School, advisor to Equal Employer®, and associate management lecturer at BPP University.
